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Tom Stories (Tom)

Mom was frustrated with me (Tom) for Lord knows what. She was trying not to swear, but she said "You big ass!" I took it and changed my name to Ubigass Somers for a while, which she did not appreciate. People do not like to have their words turned against them.

One time, Christine, Samantha, and I went down to Florida to spend time with mom and dad. Mom was trying to be the good hostess and kept apologizing for the temperature - that it was so cold out. We were coming from Minnesota in the winter, and even though the wind was blowing it felt like 70 degrees. When the wind stopped blowing, it was hot. The girls wanted to go swimming. Mom said, "Make sure they put some shit on so they don't get burnt." (She intended "sunscreen" with that.) I went along with it and said, "Girls, make sure you put some shit on so you don't get burnt." "Yes, Dad.We'll put some shit on."

While driving to Canada, our route took us past "Lake Nipissing." When you see something quick, your eyes play a trick. I laughed for a long time until I was settled down and could answer what made me laugh. "I could swear that sign said 'Lake No Pissing.'"

When our cousin Francois visited Minnesota, Mom had taken us (as she often did) to cultural and learning experiences in the summer. Sometimes it was museums or libraries. This time it was the Como Zoo. Francois was a bit of an imp. He pointed to the seals and said, "Look, Tom. Phoque!" (That word sounded a lot like F-U-*-*.) He purposely said it knowing that his aunt Eileen was within earshot. She gasped and said, "You can't say that!" I laughed, knowing he had said it to get a reaction.  explained to Mom that it was French for seal. He had a mischievous smile, like Peter Pan. He smiled all the time.


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